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| there are the ways pain falls through the cracks to touch our soul. dripping down, coating our sanity. reality slipping away the days. trying to hard for the ones we miss. pouring out til we are empty. vulnerable. then filling ourselves with rejection and destructing our nature. we keep looking for the sun to rise, but sleep through them. so all we see is the evil committed under the bright daylight. now we wait for night to fade everything to gray. the lines blurry. focus wavering under the street lamps. believing in sin with the dim light. naive by the faith we've lost. replaced with the cold logic and rational we cling to like a warm blanket on a winter afternoon. protesting what we have become yet apathetic to change. trying to push past holding ourself back, but grown tired from the struggle. so we turn to the rhetoric of writers before us. holding their words as though the prophets of our time. stripping their meaning to substitute our own. meeting the needs of the moment and not the lives before us. Cleansing our sould with newly profound thought and forgetting what we learned. like a dialisis machine of our mind, exchanging our life-long blood for a fresh start. living to die and lie in our graves we made for ourselves. looking up at the sky that has housed our actions while the heavens did cry making our steady footing soft. Continually testing for stability, finding the concrete men laid before us to only find the cracks and imperfections in every piece. because though rock is jagged, their solidity is sound but so rare to find. torn apart and havested to make the faulted structure of man to fit our needs of the moment, to only fail for our future. | | |
| i want to scream so load, but it will do nothing.
lose my voice to make a difference and the echo doesn't return.
yelling horse until my throat bleeds and i taste my blood.
spit it out and start again.
in every wave in tone comes
anger
frustration
sorrow
elation
joy
hate
love
sanity
lunicy
passion
pain
pleasure
sin
repentance
wisdom
ignorance
life
death
and every emotion that fills me
my soul is weighed down with my curse
the body sick deep below my skin
yet my heart beats with out waver
with that assurance i scream til i end | | |
| oh china, i will never forget. how you are changed me and opened my eyes. i have returned to family and friends, but i left my loved ones in china. from my brothers in the breakdance crew, and my sisters who taught me how to communicate. i am back to where i belong, yet so out of place. interesting | | |
| so here i am. the end is near and more obstacles stand in my way. seems like the more i do the more comes against me, yet here i am. i am still standing tall. honestly it surprises me i am standing. its the ones that i love that have held me up for the past few weeks. at the darkest hour, a prodigal son returned and was comforted by the love he thought he had lost. now i am the prodigal returned to open arms and comforted from a horror i felt drowning me. it took some good friends to help me realize i was lost in my darkness. it is so good to have that in my life. | | |
| what am i doing here? my life is useless here, doing nothing and being thus involved. i am no visionary to make the problems in the world go away or give relief to the oppressed. instead i am a student of greed, wealth, and capitalism. i am trying to learn how to progress the advancement making the rich richer. this is what i strive for. this isn't what i want for my life. yeah i would like to have money and a secure future, but at what cost is my personal wealth. i don't want this life. i don't want to devote myself to a life i hate. all i want is to help people but i am so lost right now i have no clue how i can do that. where could i possibly begin to help others? my life is so trivial compared to the horrid problems of so many people around the world, especially when i am spending years feeding my mind with bull crap to perpetuate a cycle i don't want to be a part of. so what now? where should i go? i have fell short to help my family, friends, and those i love. and i want to give my time and life to help those i don't even know, how can i? years ago i had so much conviction to change the world and do what i could. here, far from my morals, beliefs, and convictions try to come back to a life i once led. i am not sure what i can possibly do to be back to that. being lost in myself, i am torn down to nothing hating what i have done to be where i am. i hate this. i hate my life. i hate who i have become and thus treated others. i want to be far away from where i am at in every respect. | | |
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